Why Limit?

Why limit yourself to one genre of music, fiction, art, food, and so on and on?

Better to change, grow, evolve, party, and make amazing things happen.

Better to live with one foot in the now and another in the future.

Guide yourself through the past to learn lessons for the future.

These tired dog matters are brought to you by the good folks of Pam A Wow makers of the new odor eating, flesh devouring, fashionable sock, the Sockalot! Astounding Sockalot washes the floor as you walk using fresh fluids harvested from your feet! Incredible Sockalot runs numbers for illegal betting on soybean wrestling matches, earning itself money, and it gives you thirty percent right off the top!

Go on down, and let yourself be walked out of a store by a pair of Sockalots today! Amazing stupendous ravishing Sockalot even walks for you dragging your lazy carcasses all over town!!!

Yours in advertising revenue,

Count Robot 

Corman is Roger

Al Goreman is full of Corman

So there’s this Bee that’s going to be in the movie. We’re going to call it Curse of the She Bee. The Bee changes into a beautiful woman and stings men to death because this scientist was experimenting on a queen bee with an atomic ray.

Moments like this call for brain surgery in the round

I slid down in the car seat next to him. Hey man if it’s a female bee isn’t it a queen bee? I thought the only female in the hive was the queen. So shouldn’t the movie title be Curse of the Queen Bee.

Yes technically yes but it’s not as catchy as She Bee. Women like it when we put she in the title of the picture so do boys. Remember that movie we put out last summer, She Monster? That movie was garbage and we made a bundle on it. A couple of weeks later we put out She Ghost and that was big too. So we’ve got to keep that title.

Ok, ok how about this, the bee that gets blasted is a male bee but it turns into a she. So we get that whole strange gender thing going on in addition to the horror stuff.

Great idea. Write the script. You have five days. By the way here’s the poster. It’s great isn’t it?

Yours in retro movie magic,

Count Robot

Starlight Drive In Movie Theater

Sure I worked at the Starlight Drive In. I worked there most of my life and I got more tail than you would believe. Those were the days of great cheap fun movies. We ran stuff like Attack of the Prehistoric Beast, Vampire Hookers from Outer Space, and we were one of the only theaters that played the Burning Witch. I hear all the prints of that flick disappeared. These days they don’t make them like the ones we used to show, fun, dumb, cheap, short films.

Yeah I heard all the crazy stories people used to say about the Starlight. Some weirdoes say the place was never really open. All I have to say about that is I have the pay stubs to prove it was real.

There were a few nuts that complained to us that they heard strange voices on the loudspeakers. It really did happen sometimes though. There were some jerks that used radio gear to cut into our signals and say weird stuff like they could predict the future or that you shouldn’t eat stuff from the snack bar. Crazy jerks.

I’ll tell you one thing for sure about the place, it really was haunted. I saw some of the ghosts myself. There was one of this really hot chick. There was another one of this little kid who died in the middle of the concession stand. No one knows why he died he just did. Back in those days stuff like that happened and people didn’t sue.

And don’t let any idiots tell you the place is still open. I don’t know where people get such stupid ideas. The Starlight is closed. Has been for years. It was a great place but it just ain’t the type of place that could be around now you know? I mean no one makes the type of flicks that we used to show and all the normal movies you can go see at the mall so why would anyone go to a drive in? Pretty sad but that’s the way it is.

Vincent “Vin” Breen

Former projectionist for the Starlight Drive In Movie Theater

Spaceseed

As you might well be aware for some time now Count Robot has been scribing some of the words for Georgia, space metal prog rockers, Spaceseed.

Well in a bit of news, their new cd comes out soon with some of Count Robot’s ramblings on the disc.

I’m sure you expected that…

However what you didn’t expect is that we are already planning another Spaceseed release and this one will be more epic…

Writing and rambling away like mad.

A few of you may ask, hey how did you get on board that there Spaceseed ship Count Robot?

Well it happened like this…

Back in the days of anti-social media John Pack AKA JP High Overlord of Spaceseed and Commander of the Quill Back Momboloids and Count Robot got communicating online since they were going to be playing a festival together. The chattering ran into arranging a gig in Boston for Spaceseed. Then the chattering turned into meeting and more jibber jabber then JP asked Count Robot to contribute some words and that there is history.

So get on board the Spaceseed ship! All humans, and Non humanoids are welcome!

Yours in Spaceseed delight,

Count Robot

Pirate Tales

ARRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Like a little pirate booty aye?

Well there friends, folks, and salty dogs check out Captain David’s Haunted Pirate Show.

Its full of ghastly spooky songs and tales.

A couple of the stories were woven by our own Count Robot so dig it like a grave.

Here’s a ghastly and brief interview between Count Robot and a ghost.

Ghost: When you work on these tales for Captain David are you interested in historical accuracy?

Count Robot: I know that the tales Captain David has written himself are very historically precise, however since so far I’ve only written for the Haunted show I decided to jettison reality and make up as much as I wanted. Fictional tales most often function best in a fictional world.

Ghost: Are you happy with the way Captain David tells the stories at his shows?

Count Robot: Very much so. Captain Fork Tongue really brings the stories to life and gives them a vibrancy that’s not on the page. When I wrote those stories I made sure to listen to Captain David’s voice in my head. If I couldn’t hear the line in his voice then I edited that line out.

Ghost: Will you be writing more stories for Captain David?

Count Robot: I would be happy to do so.

Here’s a clip of Captain David Fork Tongue’s Haunted Pirate Show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REZt2kya0h0

Yours in haunted sea shanties,

Count Robot

I Bleeding to Death

 

Blue magic marker

Window

This is where they were dying died dead

We’ve raised a garden of therapy stones

Did it make you feel so big

Did it make them all seem so small that they didn’t matter and you could do whatever you wanted because you had them right where you wanted them

How many times did I see this nightmare on TV

How many times did I listen to some other idiot pretend to understand and conceptualize this thing which burned through us like a hole where there’s a bullet still lodged

Someone wrote that, “I bleeding to death” in blue magic marker on a window

They weren’t talking to me or you they were dying

Many of the families of Columbine feel like its forgotten already

That’s easy for us to do, there’s no one to avenge ourselves on except ourselves so let’s move on

The monuments and the memorials are built so let’s move on to a window with blue magic marker

I bleeding to death

One victim wrote that

and died

yours in sadness,

Count Robot

Stephen Colbert is a pansy

You heard me right wimpburger, I am call you out! How dare you duck Rio Santos and his challenge to you?

I know there you are and your show with your intern slaves and Jimmy minions doing your bidding and you have your millions of fans but all the while you live in fear of the mighty power and powerful odors of the great and greatest masked super hero wrestler of all time, Rio Santos!

If you think you’re a man, and not an intern hording twonk bucket, you will face the power of Rio Santos on your show!

Rio Santos knows you are a bear in the form of a man and here is the video to prove it Stephen Coalbear!